hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
