Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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