She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
