Tell her she can't have a vagina
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
