i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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