Too much gin, very little bucket
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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