Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
