New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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