it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
