ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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