I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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