You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
