I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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