just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
