I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The air was thick with penises
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
