we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
