Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
