'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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