Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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