True but thats because hes a fetus.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize