I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
