what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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