So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
