i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
