Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
