Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
