i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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