There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
