I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
