apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
