i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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