My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
