$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
