Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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