I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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