I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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