So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
