if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
another moral hangover. fuck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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