Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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