I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
