Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
