if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
