the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize