Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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