New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
