This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
