Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
