let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
