She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
