Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
