awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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