Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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