Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
