Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
