There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
