On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
